Some time ago, I compiled a list of impossible headlines that I would never have to write. It was a list of outlandish, ridiculous, unbelievable things that could never happen, and the above headline topped the list. It was inconceivable that I'd ever have to commit that sentence to print, but here we are. Keep in mind that April Fool's Day was yesterday and this is all true.
Justin Bieber, pop-star extraordinaire, landed in Munich on Thursday with Mally, his pet monkey. The creatively-named Mally is a capuchin monkey given to him by producer Mally Mall. (I always name my pets after the people who give them to me. My dog is named Guy At The Side Of The Highway and my goldfish is named One Armed Carnival Attendant.) Beiber reportedly didn't have the requisite paperwork for the animal, though, so the monkey was detained and quarantined. Customs officials said the animal required a certificate of health and other authorizations. Apparently, you can't just land in a foreign country with a wild animal, even if you're famous.
A heartbroken and monkey-less Bieber went on to perform in Munich Thursday night. It has not been confirmed whether the singer has replaced the animal with an equally ridiculous pet, like an aardvark or a basilisk, but at this point, anything is possible.