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Exclusive: Monica Lewinsky Responds to 11 Songs that Mention Her Name

Monica Lewinsky

by Monica Lewinsky

Published May 07, 2014

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Beyoncé recently had her music and lyrics critiqued by Bill O'Reilly, but today she drew the ire of someone who might be the harshest critic she's ever seen: me. I made headlines for the second and quite possibly last time today by criticizing Mrs. Carter's use of my name in her recent song "Partition." Whereas O'Reilly and others have lambasted the song for its sexually explicit lyrics, my beef was a matter of semantics.

"He popped all my buttons, and he ripped my blouse," she sings on the track, "He Monica Lewinsky'd all on my gown." In a new interview with Vanity Fair, I responded to the lyrics: "Thanks, Beyoncé, but if we’re verbing, I think you meant 'Bill Clinton’d all on my gown,' not ‘Monica Lewinsky’d.'" Apart from using the word verb as a verb (an impressive feat in and of itself), my response was primarily concerned with Bey's lack of accuracy.

As my last name has popped up in many hip hop and R&B songs outside of "Partition," I decided to round up the ten best Lewinsky references, react to them and grade their adherence to fact. So here they are, ranked on a ten point Lewinsky scale, with ten being the most accurate and zero being as false as Bill Clinton's testimony on our affair.

Eminem – "Rap God

"Since Bill Clinton was still in office
With Monica Lewinsky feeling on his nutsack"

Thanks Eminem, but Bill and I eschewed casual scrotal play in the Oval Office. It was “business only” in there, Mr. Mathers.

4 out of 10 Lewinskys.

Nicki Minaj – "Still I Rise

"Think she fuckin' Wayne
She call herself Lewinsky, that means she give him brain"

Thanks Nicki, but my relationship with Billy -- I call him Billy -- was a little deeper than that. We’d talk, we’d laugh. Sometimes we’d share a banana split. After the oral sex, of course, so you were right on there.

5 out of 10 Lewinskys.

Kid Cudi (Ft. Kanye West) – "Erase Me

"Don C says she cool, but don't let her fuck your cream up
Monica Lewinsky on the dress, you take her to the cleaners"

Thanks Kid Cudi, but it wasn’t only Linda who convinced me not to clean the dress. Have you ever tried to get President juice out of taffeta?

8 out of 10 Lewinskys.

Lil B – "Bitch I'm Bill Clinton

"Right hand Clinton
Monica Lewinsky, everybody loves me
Swag Bill Clinton, car Bill Clinton"

Thanks Lil B, but even though your rap name is an anagram of “Bill,” your weak ass could never pass for Billy “The Bear” Clinton’s.

3 out of 10 Lewinskys.

Lil Wayne – "New Orleans

"Black phantom, windows tinted
Presidential shit, Monica Lewinsky"

Thanks Weezy, but unfortunately, Billy and I never found the proper time and place to incorporate fecal play into our lovemaking.

6 out of 10 Lewinskys.

Jeezy (Ft. Freddie Gibbs) – "Rough

"I straight Lewinsky these bitches
Get brain and bust on they clothes
Might be my last night"

Thanks Jeezy, but the accuracy of your interpretation depends on what the meaning of the word "brain" is.

8 out of 10 Lewinskys.

Mac Miller – "Black Bush

"Sip the whiskey with a bitch named Lewinsky
Told her give me head and tell everybody"

Thanks Mac, but I initially only told my friend Linda about the affair (but look how well that turned out). Also, I find that vodka wipes away my inhibitions more effectively than whiskey.

6 out of 10 Lewinskys.

Danny Brown – "Witit

"Got Henny stains on Givenchy, bitch don't even tempt me
I will take you to my office, make you give me that Lewinsky"

Thanks Daniel, but I have much more than fantastic fellatio to offer sexually. I’m not okay with my name used for just oral sex when I have so much more to offer.

7 out of 10 Lewinskys.

Migos – "Wrist Game

"Servin' patients like a clinic, runnin' bands up at Lenox
Quavo President Clinton, selling Monica Lewinsky"

Thanks Quavo, but why use my name to refer the whiteness of cocaine when you could have used “future Bill Clintons”?

6 out of 10 Lewinskys.

Das Racist – "Free Jazzmataz

"Nap 20 minutes like Da Vinci did
Lewinski lips on the Frisbee"

Thanks Das Racist, but if we’re picking which 1950s toy the president’s genitals look most like, it wouldn’t be a Frisbee. It would be a yo-yo. (And Silly Putty when I was done with it).

1 Lewinsky for you.

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Comedy Hip Hop Beyoncé Danny Brown Eminem Jeezy Kid Cudi Lil B Lil Wayne Mac Miller Migos Nicki Minaj Washington D.C. Das Racist
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