We recently made a trip down to Richmond, VA for the epic and bloodsoaked GWAR B-Q, and while we were there, we caught up with GWAR's newest guitarist, Pustulus Maximus, who replaced Flattus Maximus in 2012. We asked him about new material, new members, and which politicians he'd be most likely to fornicate with. Check out our full chat below.
Zumic: Battle Maximus was your first record, right?
Pustulus Maximus: Well, I wouldn't say it was my first record, it was the first one that I was forced to do.
Did they imprison you and make you record it?
Well, funny story about Oderus, there -- -- he fuckin' trapped me here. He took the fuckin'... some shit out of my -- I'm not a space mechanic, I don't know how any of that shit works, but he fucked my ship up, I got stuck. I had no place else to go, so I might as well play guitar for a bunch of dicks.
So, are you working on new stuff now?
I don't give them anything anymore, I only give them songs I wrote when I was a fledgling. They're not ready for that shit yet. When you're a guitar player of such immense caliber and other big words I don't know to describe my greatness, you just give them baby steps. So, I just give them the shit.
Just like when you get with a girl, you don't marry her until like 20 years after you're dating. You gotta give them something to look forward to, otherwise they'll fuckin' leave your ass and go fuck your friend in his butthole. Then what are you gonna do?
Well, then you're probably gonna be sad. On that topic, actually, I got a "Marry, Fuck, Kill" for ya: Michele Bachmann, Sarah Palin, Hillary Clinton -- who do you marry, who do you fuck, who do you kill?
Who are these people? Are these politicians?
These are politicians.
Ah, fuck. Well, I don't believe in marriage, so...
So, that's right out.
I dunno. Maybe to make it legal in Sharia law.. Marry all of them, kill them, then fuck them.
Who was the middle one?
Sarah Palin, the vice presidential candidate from a few years back.
God! You people were dumb enough to even possibly vote for that? Jesus fuck! Goddamnit! I mean, no, you definitely wouldn't marry that one, 'cause that would be the stupid one that embarrasses you in front of all your friends.
Do you know the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and Sarah Palin's vagina?
Only half the things that came out of her vagina are retarded.
That's the glorious part! See, if you married Hillary, at least people would lie to your face when you brought her to parties. They wouldn't tell her she's a bitch to her face, they would just be like, 'Oh, I love your wife, she's so cool." But if you went with Sarah Palin, everybody fuckin' knows you're with a dumbass. And if you went with Michele Bachmann, everybody knows your wife has resting bitch face. So, I guess you're gonna marry Hillary. Fuck, what are you gonna do? But in that case, you're fucked either way.
So, with all the shifts, are there any new characters being added to GWAR? Any new members?
I mean, there's a couple new assholes trying to come in and fuckin' ruin my life. They'll be up there today, you'll see them shits.
Gor Gor the dinosaur is one of my favorites, any chance of him coming back?
Gor Gor the dinosaur, my beloved friend, my beloved pet. We rescued him from Australia, he's back here now. It filled me with such joy to grasp him in my arms once more, the bastard child of Oderus Urungus. What a beautiful, loving soul. I can't wait to feed some fucking asshole to him tonight.
Are there any plans for movies like Skulhedface or Phallus In Wonderland? Anything like that in the works?
I'm working on a pornography called Ozzy OsBONE, starring Sack Wylde and Randy Loads. That is gonna be my masterpiece. That and Night Bees, about bees that only come out at night and they fuckin' kill you.
That sounds absolutely incredible. Last questions: Do you have any plans for Oderus' codpiece? Is that going to the Smithsonian?
They've taken his dick so many fucking times it's ridiculous. His dick will live. The dick does not die. The dick will be firmly implanted in our hearts forever. So yes, it shall be.
Thanks a lot for talking to us, man.
Thanks a lot for fucking my whole day up.
Be sure to check out the complete recap of GWAR B-Q 2014, with photos of The Misfits, Body Count, GWAR, and more right here at Zumic.